It’s New Years Eve. I’m humiliated, deflated, disillusioned and just…bummed. I’m not and haven’t really been in the mood to do much but be sedated, lately. Here’s to getting up, getting out, trying again, and the following:
In 2012 I want to be happy again, which means: doing things, LOTS of things, new things, the small & silly things that don’t make sense to most others but that are fulfilling to me, turning them into real and substantial work and finding people who do understand and appreciate the excitement that I seldom have had opportunities to share. I want to move on, and make good on an inexplicably kind and generous chance that I was given in 2011 and a dramatic life change I made with good intentions under happy circumstances and bliss, but didn’t quite materialize in the dreamy, ideal way I’d hoped .. I want to make New York my own. I want to take classes, meet people, and strengthen my relationships with the people who matter and feel as little regret as possible. I want to know the feeling of recognizing an experience as important and being satisfied and accepting of its having happened, but being able to let it go if it is not correct. I don’t want to dwell. I want to feel no ill-will towards anyone and be strong enough to find my way on my own if the path leads me to undesirable places. I want respect and I won’t tolerate anything but. I want to be okay. I want happiness and fulfillment.
Dear powers that be,
Why am I being forced to hear every sad song wherever I fucking go?
Please give me a break.
Move to New York, lose 25 lbs. Not mad about it.